Archive for Tag: Myrtle T. Blinkin

  • Myrtle T. Blinkin’s Videogame Previews

    Columns Columns by Myrtle T. Blinkin on Comments1

    For the last goddamn time, monkeys aren't donkeys! When I was a young filly back in the day, it was a gorilla that carried me up to the top of the Eiffel Tower, as was the custom! It sure as hell wasn't an ass, I tell you! That's just a three-letter word for a beast of burden, and the answer to six down on my octogenarian newsletter crossword puzzle.

  • Virtual Console Review (August 2008)

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    Those GOD DAMN hedgehogs are always eating my turnips. Ooooh, if I catch one, I will make you a hedgey sandwich. Or maybe a hog pie.

  • Virtual Console Review (July 2008)

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    You kids and your rock 'n’ roll. Whatever happened to greasy grimy gopher guts? GREASY GRIMY GOPHER GUTS!? DIRTY LITTLE BIRDY FEET!?!?!?

  • Virtual Console Review (June 2008)

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    You kids and your ninjas and your pirates. When will you learn that it's the flappers that will be the kings and queens of the dance floor!

  • Virtual Console Review (May 2008)

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    our grandfather was a renegade. A renegade of funk. He smelled most often of motor oil and urine, which was quite funky, I tell you!

  • Virtual Console Review (April 2008)

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    You’re a nasty boy! Don’t talk about my private area that way. You always leave a snapping turtle caged no matter how badly you want to throw old Mother Hubbard a bone.

  • Virtual Console Review (March 2008)

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    You know who is a super toucan? That Toucan Sam. It’s a shame his son went on to kill all those people, you know, Son of Toucan Sam. He stood proud and continued to sell cereal up until his death in 1984.

  • Virtual Console (February 2008)

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    Your Aunt Martha likes wolves. She adopts them, you know, has at least six or seven of them. They tear up her house something awful, though, and piss all over her furniture.

  • Virtual Console Review (October 2007)

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    No, honey, it's not lost. Your grandpa keeps his level on the shelf right next to his hammer and his sticky old man pornos. You look ill, dear, do you need some VapoRub? I know just where your grandpa keeps it, on the shelf right next to his level and his hammer and....

  • Virtual Console Review (September 2007)

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    What street is that on? Maple? I live on Maple. Is it on Maple? Is that where the Foodland used to be? You know they tore that down after those kids got sick.