About ten years ago, someone got the bright idea to make a movie based on the Super Mario Brothers video games. The only problem was that the games make no damn sense. Seriously, as awesome a game as it is, there really isn’t much more to it than running through the sewer and stomping on oversized turtles. Well, there’s also the part about eating mushrooms and saving a princess, but I’m entirely certain that that part of the game is real. Every time I eat mushrooms I end up believing that I’m on a quest to save some princess, only to find out that I had spent the last hour trying to smash turtles at the local pet store. Which, by the way, has a shithead for a manager who called the cops after I had already said that I was leaving.