Archive for Author: Matt Gardner

  • … of the Month: More GameCola Merchandise Ideas

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    OK, just for everyone’s info, there is now new GAMECOLA merchandise! Go check it out. Some of the ideas from last month have been used, such as the bumper sticker that says “7 is ABOVE average!” So congrats and thanks to anyone whose ideas were used.

  • … of the Month: Design Your Own GameCola Merchandise!

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    That’s right lady and gentleman, it is time for you, the reader, to propose new ideas and the like for GameCola merchandise. I commented last month on the main page comments section about how the merchandise was getting a little stale. The newest thing ever there is pretty much a Loafy Carl t-shirt. I’m willing to bet no one here except for Neal and Paul even really knows what Loafy Carl is anymore. At the very least we should be adding some Pretty in Pixels stuff, since that seems to be our new monthly comic strip.

  • The Gates of Life: Episode 43 – There’s Something About Render

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    Captain Necrostreeb: We must find your former captain, Captain Thomas "7-Eye" Render VI of Trelenodora!

  • … of the Month: River City Rumble

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    I refuse to say very much on this movie, as it has already stolen way too much of my life. …of the Month is usually short, anyway, so it shouldn’t matter to my loyal non-readers.

  • Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime (DS)

    Reviews Reviews by Matt Gardner on

    It's really about time I had the pleasure of playing a DS game that wasn't made unbearably annoying by heavy reliance on the touch screen. Yeah, it's totally neat that I can touch the screen and stuff

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    … of the Month: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Polls

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    There aren’t going to be any radio buttons for you to click here. You will have to answer my questions in the COMMENTS section of this article. That’s right, once again …of the month is going to be a shameless attempt to get comments. The difference this time is this: I actually might give half a crap about what gets written in comments. I won’t do anything about it, of course, so don’t expect any sort of recognition for posting. Just do it anyway.

  • … of the Month: Games of the Year Nominations

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    OK, I’ve been given some kind of task by Paul. I forget exactly what it was, since I was trying to pleasure myself to some kind of fetish porn or Care Bears or something whilst he was Instant Messaging me about it, but it has something to do with games that should be nominated (put on the ballot) for the yearly GameCola awards.

  • .hack//G.U. Vol. 1: Rebirth (PS2)

    Reviews Reviews by Matt Gardner on

    I've wanted to say this for a while now:  You do not need to have played the original four .hack games to understand this.  You do not need to have seen any of the .hack anime to understand this. 

  • … of the Month: Mysterious Top 10 List

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    10. The number 40: This is the number of things I bring around with me, so I don’t end up having to keep throwing stuff out when I get overburdened.

  • … of the Month: What’s up with all the 10s?

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    I’ve been wondering about this for awhile, particularly back when the late, great Stu “Fancy 10s Mickey Mouse Boy” Gipp was still with us. Why are there so many 10s given out in reviews? Correct me if I’m wrong (which I’m not, so don’t bother correcting me), but I thought that, under the clearly defined ratings system of GameCola (carefully set out by the Edicheif himself), a 10 indicates that a game isabsolutely perfect in that category. If that’s true (which it is), then why are 10s more prevalent than bad jokes on Mad TV? To quote the late, great naked Abe Lincoln, “What the crap?”